While our legal system is centered on the premise of the common phrase “Innocent until proven guilty”, that is sadly not the reality for victims of sexual assault. A recent article in The Huffington Post brings to mind the reoccurring fact in our society that victims of sexual assault are blamed for their experience, or were “asking for it”, another phrase known all too well.
For victims of sexual violence, even as horrific as the gang rape of an 11-year old girl by 18 young men and boys (if they can even be called that), it is “guilty until proven innocent”. Somehow blaming a girl for sexual assault, in a state where the age of consent for sexual activity, any type of sexual activity, is 17, makes more sense to members of our communities and even the mainstream media than loudly and confidently condemning the inhumane act of rape and blaming the perpetrators.
And in a similar way that society treats individuals who were accused of a crime but later found “not guilty”, victims of rape are still often treated as “guilty” even while their perpetrators are convicted and behind bars.
Keith Bradley
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
Take this scholarship and shove it!
I have been feeling uneasy about sports lately, so when I sat down to read the morning sports page and came across an article entitled "College Basketball's Latest Move: Quit" I wasn't surprised to notice my blood pressure rise. The article takes a hard look at a number of college student athletes (specifically, male basketball players) who have chosen to forfeit their scholarships and a year of eligibility to transfer to another school due to a variety of reasons. Upon finishing the article I found myself more frustrated as the writer did not answer the key question the article raised: "what is going on in sports culture that's causing this migration?" But none the less, I would recommend the read as it provides some insight into a growing trend not only men's college basketball but in sports, in general.
The article reports that over 400 student athletes transferred in 2008 and while there may be various reasons for those transfers, since this article is highlighting the disenfranchised male student athletes, it does beg the question of how many of those 400 were men. Which leads to a follow-up question of "what's going on in the subculture of male athletics that is creating this trend that allows them to quit when the going gets tough?" As the article reports, most of these guys transfer because they lost their starting position to someone BETTER. Instead of "man-ing up" by taking responsibility for it, these guys are developing a complex that they are more important than their teammates and are rallying behind an old mantra with a twist: "take this scholarship and SHOVE IT!"
As I alluded to earlier, over past several years I have had a love-hate relationship as a fan and participant with sports. I have even considered stop watching or participating in sports for good. However, at the very core I believe sports are intrinsically good as they provide both a healthy outlet for many to work off stress and a safe space to gain insight about life experience as there is as much to learn in the success of winning as there is in the failure of loosing. In America, sports over the past 50 years has taken on a life of its own and has developed its own culture filled with varieties of heroes, villains, jokers, and plagues. Lately, I feel like I have been observing more of the villains and plagues as they are getting far more run in media and it has me concerned that we have strayed too far away from the good of sports.
My biggest concern is that these trends in sports culture will start to trickle down to high school and younger athletics. I would like to believe there is more purity in the value of sports for these ages but I have become more aware of the exploitation of youth sports and it sickens me. Earlier this week I was listening to a high school player that was fed up with losing and was calling out the attitude/ work ethic of his fellow players. Not once did he take any responsibility for his own part in the team's problems. His coach benched him for a game for yelling at fellow players during a practice and showing disrespect to the coach. This young man reported that he didn't plan to travel to the next game and was considering quiting the team all together. I don't know what to do about the problems (villains & plagues) I'm seeing in college and professional sports, but I'm certain there is something we can do with young men like this in high school sports to curb this attitude before it grows into something worse.
As always, I'm curious what you think... Is this a failure of coaches, parents, fans or the players themselves? And what can we learn from it so that we don't continue to make this mistake?
The article reports that over 400 student athletes transferred in 2008 and while there may be various reasons for those transfers, since this article is highlighting the disenfranchised male student athletes, it does beg the question of how many of those 400 were men. Which leads to a follow-up question of "what's going on in the subculture of male athletics that is creating this trend that allows them to quit when the going gets tough?" As the article reports, most of these guys transfer because they lost their starting position to someone BETTER. Instead of "man-ing up" by taking responsibility for it, these guys are developing a complex that they are more important than their teammates and are rallying behind an old mantra with a twist: "take this scholarship and SHOVE IT!"
As I alluded to earlier, over past several years I have had a love-hate relationship as a fan and participant with sports. I have even considered stop watching or participating in sports for good. However, at the very core I believe sports are intrinsically good as they provide both a healthy outlet for many to work off stress and a safe space to gain insight about life experience as there is as much to learn in the success of winning as there is in the failure of loosing. In America, sports over the past 50 years has taken on a life of its own and has developed its own culture filled with varieties of heroes, villains, jokers, and plagues. Lately, I feel like I have been observing more of the villains and plagues as they are getting far more run in media and it has me concerned that we have strayed too far away from the good of sports.
My biggest concern is that these trends in sports culture will start to trickle down to high school and younger athletics. I would like to believe there is more purity in the value of sports for these ages but I have become more aware of the exploitation of youth sports and it sickens me. Earlier this week I was listening to a high school player that was fed up with losing and was calling out the attitude/ work ethic of his fellow players. Not once did he take any responsibility for his own part in the team's problems. His coach benched him for a game for yelling at fellow players during a practice and showing disrespect to the coach. This young man reported that he didn't plan to travel to the next game and was considering quiting the team all together. I don't know what to do about the problems (villains & plagues) I'm seeing in college and professional sports, but I'm certain there is something we can do with young men like this in high school sports to curb this attitude before it grows into something worse.
As always, I'm curious what you think... Is this a failure of coaches, parents, fans or the players themselves? And what can we learn from it so that we don't continue to make this mistake?
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Talking trash
I like trash talking as much as the next sports fan but with technology today, how do you know when it's gone too far? Whether it's emails, texts, twitter, facebook, or ESPN's "Conversation Section140" there are a lot more outlets today to chide your friends over rivalries or critique your own players/teams performance. Many video games, also, allow online players to talk trash to one another. Trash talk, or talking smack, is not limited to just sports as we see it in politics and other arenas as well but it's my assumption that it has become socially acceptable because of sports. It's well known that Michael Jordan did it a lot and was good at it and some fans believe there is even an art to it. Maybe Jim Rome should get the most credit (or blame) for this becoming an art form with the development and annual event of his radio show's "Smackoff" in which caller's compete for "Best Caller of the Year" honors by degrading rival teams and fans alike. But I believe trash talk is older than Jim and Michael and believe it may go back to the days when fans' “thumbs up” or “thumbs down” signaled life or death for a beaten down gladiator.
And while that's all fine and good - and sometimes quite entertaining - there is a line that gets crossed when you strike a nerve with someone by getting too personal. Moreover, there seems to be less of a filter when people post their smack through technology then what they would say face to face to another in bars or other establishments where rival fans come together. I mean, you say the wrong thing to the wrong person at a bar and you might literally get smacked. The lack of the prospect of this happening through technology allows people the "freedom" to say whatever they want to others.
Fortunately, many sites have policies to govern inappropriateness between fans. But what happens when the reader is not a fan at all, rather the athlete that made a bad play that everyone is trashing?
Recently, two such players have taken a lot of flack from their fans for their crunch time short-comings in Boise State kicker Kyle Brotzman and Missouri basketball player Kim English. Brotzman missed two field goals leading to a loss to Nevada that will keep them out of a national championship game. English saved a ball going out of bounds to the other team allowing them to hit a game tying three point basket with no time left in regulation that eventually lead to Missouri's unraveling in over time. Both players received a lot of disapproval the following days and Brotzman even received death threats, including some aimed at his family members.
When you boil it down, smack talk is all about proving oneself to others over something you take (often entirely too much) pride in by degrading something or someone else. Certainly women talk smack, but it seems like they are imitating a very masculine past time and that trash talk is often linked to calling out one's manhood by degrading feminine characteristics. Scenes like the one from The Sandlot come to mind concluding with the ultimate dis in boyhood, "you play like a girl".
I have heard fans argue about how athletes at any level can turn it off by not listening or reading all the comments and, ultimately, someone always says, "sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me". But are these type of comments really the responsibility of the athlete? Do fans really have the freedom to say and do whatever they want? Are personal verbal attacks about someone's on field performance not only OK but something worth rewarding if it leads to others taking another step by leaving death threatening messages? Do boys value girls less in environments where fans and coaches regularly talk smack with put downs like "you throw like a girl" or worse? It's well documented that cyber bullying has lead to death in the forms of suicide and murder - is that what it will take for us to seriously consider when we have taken smack talk too far?
Friday, December 3, 2010
Upcoming Event: Man Up! Winter Workshop
We are very excited about the direction Man Up! is headed and want to invite you to take part in our Man Up! Winter Workshop Thursday December 16th from 6-8:30pm at Johnson County Community College in their Carlson Center in room 107. We will highlight new directions for Man Up!, preview our new program "Strength Clubs", and this will be the first step for all interested Man Up! volunteers. If you have interest in our Man Up! Program as a potential volunteer or in simply learning more about the program, especially “Strength Clubs”, this will be the perfect opportunity for you.
In case you don’t know, Man Up! is MOCSA’s program that aims to engage men and boys about how they can play a vital role by being a part of the solution to end sexual violence. There a lot of reasons to have a program that specifically addresses men but two standout: 1) men know survivors as family members, neighbors, and co-workers and care to see sexual violence end; 2) men can challenge other men to stop rape before it starts. At MOCSA, we believe all men can...
SPEAK UP!- If a brother, friend, co-worker or teammate is disrespectful to girls and women, don’t look the other way, speak up. Increase awareness of others by letting them know its not the victim’s fault.
STAND UP!- Mentor and teach young boys how to be respectful men who don’t degrade or abuse girls and women. Understand how media, attitudes, and behaviors might inadvertently demean women and perpetuate sexual violence.
MAN UP!- Be a part of the solution by being an ally to those working to end sexual violence; support organizations and events publicly and financially
You also might be interested to know that Strength Clubs are MOCSA's multi-faceted programs offering a proven model and a vital next step for engaging and reeducating young men toward the crucial goal of reducing levels of violence (against men and women) long-term. The program aims to mobilize young men to find and use their strength for creating a culture free from violence, especially men’s violence against women. Strength Clubs provide a safe, structured, and supportive space to connect with male peers through exploring masculinity and male strength. Exposing young men to healthier, nonviolent models and visions of manhood, Strength Clubs challenge members to develop their own definitions of masculinity and to translate their learning into community leadership, progressive action, and social change.
For more information about how you can participate in this event, call MOCSA at 816.931.4527 and ask for the Man Up! Program Coordinator.
In case you don’t know, Man Up! is MOCSA’s program that aims to engage men and boys about how they can play a vital role by being a part of the solution to end sexual violence. There a lot of reasons to have a program that specifically addresses men but two standout: 1) men know survivors as family members, neighbors, and co-workers and care to see sexual violence end; 2) men can challenge other men to stop rape before it starts. At MOCSA, we believe all men can...
SPEAK UP!- If a brother, friend, co-worker or teammate is disrespectful to girls and women, don’t look the other way, speak up. Increase awareness of others by letting them know its not the victim’s fault.
STAND UP!- Mentor and teach young boys how to be respectful men who don’t degrade or abuse girls and women. Understand how media, attitudes, and behaviors might inadvertently demean women and perpetuate sexual violence.
MAN UP!- Be a part of the solution by being an ally to those working to end sexual violence; support organizations and events publicly and financially
You also might be interested to know that Strength Clubs are MOCSA's multi-faceted programs offering a proven model and a vital next step for engaging and reeducating young men toward the crucial goal of reducing levels of violence (against men and women) long-term. The program aims to mobilize young men to find and use their strength for creating a culture free from violence, especially men’s violence against women. Strength Clubs provide a safe, structured, and supportive space to connect with male peers through exploring masculinity and male strength. Exposing young men to healthier, nonviolent models and visions of manhood, Strength Clubs challenge members to develop their own definitions of masculinity and to translate their learning into community leadership, progressive action, and social change.
For more information about how you can participate in this event, call MOCSA at 816.931.4527 and ask for the Man Up! Program Coordinator.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Blame it on her clothes...and "biology"!
Working in the field of sexual violence prevention, we regularly bump up against men (and women) that though they report they are "totally against rape" - women should be more careful with what they wear when they are out and about. Some even add in, "... because men biologically can't control themselves when aroused...". This is displayed in the write-in response of a 'well-meaning' father below but has been echoed by many before and throughout our culture:
As the father of a daughter, I am 100% supportive of the fact that sexual assault is something that should not occur under any circumstances.
The one area that many women seem to conveniently overlook is that biological studies have shown that the most basic way men get "aroused"
and become sexually attracted to women is through visual stimulation.
While nothing justifies sexual assault, there are many instances where women should be charged with indecent exposure. For example: Wearing a bikini on the beach is a natural situation where women wearing scantily clad bathing suits may be "racy", but still appropriate. However, a woman wearing that same scantily clad bathing suit in a mall or at a grocery store is inappropriate.
One way to dramatically reduce sexual attention in inappropriate environments is for women to dress more conservatively in those environments. I'm not talking about burqas and excessive clothing covering every inch of the body; I'm talking about "dressing appropriately" for the theater you are going to.
There's a lot to say in response to those that buy in to these beliefs that both blame what happens to a person based on what they wear as well as exonerate men who are unable to control themselves in various situations for "biological" excuses. First of all, to suggest that "the sins of men are, in part, the fault of women, specifically women in tight-fitting clothing" is putting a lot of responsibility at the feet of women. But we know that women that dress conservatively, even in burkas, can be victims of sexual assault. It also suggests that certain types of clothing holds power over men that they can not resist to the point they must respond with violence and aggression - rape is not romance. If tight fitting clothes really caused men to act this way then the surgeon general needs to put warning labels on most (if not all) clothes sold to women these days. Many in the know in this field can tell you that sexual violence has nothing to do with how a woman dresses - as many victims we see are not wearing anything that is particularly "sexy" - and it has everything to do with how a potential perp chooses to behave.
Secondly, as man, let me just tell you that it is insulting to men to claim that they are helpless to control their own actions. The implication of this thinking is that every male, given any situation where they have the opportunity to take advantage of someone else, could and would commit sexual assault. While it is true that the majority of assaults are committed by males, it is not true that the majority of males are sexually violent. Moreover, to base this on biology as if to suggest by stating something is "biological" is to imply it is instinct or ingrained and, therefore, impossible to alter or change is erroneous in and of itself. We (READ: human beings, both male and female) all have instincts and we are, in fact, instinctual but instincts are only a part of our decision making process - and, yes!, we do have "knee-jerk" reactions to certain things but even those can be altered and controlled.
Bottom Line: Men choose and are solely responsible for how they behave and/or respond to how women freely choose to identify themselves through their fashion - to suggest anything else is ridiculous!
As the father of a daughter, I am 100% supportive of the fact that sexual assault is something that should not occur under any circumstances.
The one area that many women seem to conveniently overlook is that biological studies have shown that the most basic way men get "aroused"
and become sexually attracted to women is through visual stimulation.
While nothing justifies sexual assault, there are many instances where women should be charged with indecent exposure. For example: Wearing a bikini on the beach is a natural situation where women wearing scantily clad bathing suits may be "racy", but still appropriate. However, a woman wearing that same scantily clad bathing suit in a mall or at a grocery store is inappropriate.
One way to dramatically reduce sexual attention in inappropriate environments is for women to dress more conservatively in those environments. I'm not talking about burqas and excessive clothing covering every inch of the body; I'm talking about "dressing appropriately" for the theater you are going to.
There's a lot to say in response to those that buy in to these beliefs that both blame what happens to a person based on what they wear as well as exonerate men who are unable to control themselves in various situations for "biological" excuses. First of all, to suggest that "the sins of men are, in part, the fault of women, specifically women in tight-fitting clothing" is putting a lot of responsibility at the feet of women. But we know that women that dress conservatively, even in burkas, can be victims of sexual assault. It also suggests that certain types of clothing holds power over men that they can not resist to the point they must respond with violence and aggression - rape is not romance. If tight fitting clothes really caused men to act this way then the surgeon general needs to put warning labels on most (if not all) clothes sold to women these days. Many in the know in this field can tell you that sexual violence has nothing to do with how a woman dresses - as many victims we see are not wearing anything that is particularly "sexy" - and it has everything to do with how a potential perp chooses to behave.
Secondly, as man, let me just tell you that it is insulting to men to claim that they are helpless to control their own actions. The implication of this thinking is that every male, given any situation where they have the opportunity to take advantage of someone else, could and would commit sexual assault. While it is true that the majority of assaults are committed by males, it is not true that the majority of males are sexually violent. Moreover, to base this on biology as if to suggest by stating something is "biological" is to imply it is instinct or ingrained and, therefore, impossible to alter or change is erroneous in and of itself. We (READ: human beings, both male and female) all have instincts and we are, in fact, instinctual but instincts are only a part of our decision making process - and, yes!, we do have "knee-jerk" reactions to certain things but even those can be altered and controlled.
Bottom Line: Men choose and are solely responsible for how they behave and/or respond to how women freely choose to identify themselves through their fashion - to suggest anything else is ridiculous!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
The Art of Manliness
I was looking for some clips from "guy movies" to use in our pilot program and came across this great website "The Art of Manliness". I wanted to share this site with all of you as a fantastic resource for critical discussions about the dominant stories of masculinity.
I'm also curious about what movies have influenced the shaping of your norms or expectations of what it means to be a "real man" in today's world and/or the subculture that you identify with?
I know the movies that have shaped my ideas are the ones I own and watch, or have watched, over and over each year. Five come to mind quickly: "A River Runs Through It"; "Good Will Hunting"; "Borne Identity"; "Once"; and "Marley and Me". Several questions occur to me as I make this list but the most important is "how do these influence my perception(s) of my own masculinity today?"
I wouldn't go so far as to say that I shape my whole identity around these movies but it is funny to think how many parts of these reinforce several of my beliefs, attitudes, aspirations, and behaviors. For example, a couple years ago I took up fly fishing because of Brad Pitt's character and how effortless and peaceful those scenes look on the river in Montana look. Now whenever I'm fly fishing I hear Robert Redford's voice commentating in the background...just kidding. I have, seriously, always loved the outdoors and getting away from the busyness of city life makes fly fishing alone on a river or lake all the more life-giving.
"Good Will Hunting" had its influence on my pursuit of a therapy degree and my continued work with troubled youth in programs I coordinate as well as where I spend many a volunteer hour. I like "Once" for its indie feel and clean break from American status-quo movies about bands -- that said, with the exceptions of "Spinal Tap" and HBO series "Flight of the Conchords". The Frames did an excellent job of weaving their music around the story without the usual emphasis on sex and drugs. And I really liked how Marketa had her own agency with regards to decision making in relationship with Glenn. "Marley and Me" is a no-brainer in that I am fan of big dogs, especially Labradors, and the influence of pets on people's lives. And I will freely admit that I just like the action in the "Bourne" movies for what it is.
Often, in doing this work we become very critical of the influence of media for stereotyping unhealthy norms of men and women and relationships. Thankfully, "The Art Of Manliness" got me thinking about these various movies I'm reminded media can provide positive inspiration as well as be a powerful educational tool. I hope you all can make use of their site and look forward to hearing from you about the various movies or TV series that have had an influence on your experience of masculinity (or femininity).
I'm also curious about what movies have influenced the shaping of your norms or expectations of what it means to be a "real man" in today's world and/or the subculture that you identify with?
I know the movies that have shaped my ideas are the ones I own and watch, or have watched, over and over each year. Five come to mind quickly: "A River Runs Through It"; "Good Will Hunting"; "Borne Identity"; "Once"; and "Marley and Me". Several questions occur to me as I make this list but the most important is "how do these influence my perception(s) of my own masculinity today?"
I wouldn't go so far as to say that I shape my whole identity around these movies but it is funny to think how many parts of these reinforce several of my beliefs, attitudes, aspirations, and behaviors. For example, a couple years ago I took up fly fishing because of Brad Pitt's character and how effortless and peaceful those scenes look on the river in Montana look. Now whenever I'm fly fishing I hear Robert Redford's voice commentating in the background...just kidding. I have, seriously, always loved the outdoors and getting away from the busyness of city life makes fly fishing alone on a river or lake all the more life-giving.
"Good Will Hunting" had its influence on my pursuit of a therapy degree and my continued work with troubled youth in programs I coordinate as well as where I spend many a volunteer hour. I like "Once" for its indie feel and clean break from American status-quo movies about bands -- that said, with the exceptions of "Spinal Tap" and HBO series "Flight of the Conchords". The Frames did an excellent job of weaving their music around the story without the usual emphasis on sex and drugs. And I really liked how Marketa had her own agency with regards to decision making in relationship with Glenn. "Marley and Me" is a no-brainer in that I am fan of big dogs, especially Labradors, and the influence of pets on people's lives. And I will freely admit that I just like the action in the "Bourne" movies for what it is.
Often, in doing this work we become very critical of the influence of media for stereotyping unhealthy norms of men and women and relationships. Thankfully, "The Art Of Manliness" got me thinking about these various movies I'm reminded media can provide positive inspiration as well as be a powerful educational tool. I hope you all can make use of their site and look forward to hearing from you about the various movies or TV series that have had an influence on your experience of masculinity (or femininity).
Monday, March 8, 2010
Upcoming April Events: SAAM
Thursday April 1st
Crime Victim's Rights Art Show
Johnson County Central Library, 4-6pm
Saturday April 3rd
Create Your Own Reality: Free of Sexual Violence
Gifted Hands, Crown Center, 3-6pm
Tuesday April 6th
Unified Government of Kansas City, Ks & Wyandotte County Denim Day
Kansas City, Kansas, City Hall, 10:30-1pm
Wednesday April 7th
Blue River Health Fair, 10am - 2pm
Saturday April 10th
Riverside Project Aware, 11:30am - 1pm
Thursday April 15th
Health Fair
Kansas City Kansas Community College, 8:30 - 11:30am
Saturday April 17th
Walk A Mile In Her Shoes
Liberty High School, 2:30-4pm
Research Foundation Block Party
Research Medical Center, 10am - 2pm
National Crime Victim's Rights Week April 18th - 24th
Monday April 19th
Clothesline Project: Sexual Assault Awareness
Avila University, 8am - 5pm
St. Luke's Plaza Lunch and Learn
St. Luke's Hospital, 12-1pm
Tuesday April 20th
Clothesline Project: Sexual Assault Awareness
Avila University, 8am - 5pm
University Missouri Kansas City "Take Back the Night"
UMKC, 6-10pm
Wednesday April 21st
Clothesline Project: Sexual Assault Awareness
Avila University, 8am - 5pm
Thursday April 22nd
Clothesline Project: Sexual Assault Awareness
Avila University, 8am - 5pm
Denim Day at UMKC
Friday April 23rd
Clothesline Project: Sexual Assault Awareness
Avila University, 8am - 5pm
Saturday April 24th
UMKC School of Nursing Health Fair
UMKC, 9am-2pm
Tuesday April 27th
"Speak Out: Empowerment Through Spoken Word"
YWCA of Greater Kansas City in Kansas City, Kansas, 7-9:30pm
Crime Victim's Rights Art Show
Johnson County Central Library, 4-6pm
Saturday April 3rd
Create Your Own Reality: Free of Sexual Violence
Gifted Hands, Crown Center, 3-6pm
Tuesday April 6th
Unified Government of Kansas City, Ks & Wyandotte County Denim Day
Kansas City, Kansas, City Hall, 10:30-1pm
Wednesday April 7th
Blue River Health Fair, 10am - 2pm
Saturday April 10th
Riverside Project Aware, 11:30am - 1pm
Thursday April 15th
Health Fair
Kansas City Kansas Community College, 8:30 - 11:30am
Saturday April 17th
Walk A Mile In Her Shoes
Liberty High School, 2:30-4pm
Research Foundation Block Party
Research Medical Center, 10am - 2pm
National Crime Victim's Rights Week April 18th - 24th
Monday April 19th
Clothesline Project: Sexual Assault Awareness
Avila University, 8am - 5pm
St. Luke's Plaza Lunch and Learn
St. Luke's Hospital, 12-1pm
Tuesday April 20th
Clothesline Project: Sexual Assault Awareness
Avila University, 8am - 5pm
University Missouri Kansas City "Take Back the Night"
UMKC, 6-10pm
Wednesday April 21st
Clothesline Project: Sexual Assault Awareness
Avila University, 8am - 5pm
Thursday April 22nd
Clothesline Project: Sexual Assault Awareness
Avila University, 8am - 5pm
Denim Day at UMKC
Friday April 23rd
Clothesline Project: Sexual Assault Awareness
Avila University, 8am - 5pm
Saturday April 24th
UMKC School of Nursing Health Fair
UMKC, 9am-2pm
Tuesday April 27th
"Speak Out: Empowerment Through Spoken Word"
YWCA of Greater Kansas City in Kansas City, Kansas, 7-9:30pm
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Manhood Lost...really?
I ran across a YouTube trailer of a new video called "An Emasculating Truth" while reading fellow bloggers and was dumbstruck by the idea that someone would contend ("scientifically") that the end of manhood is near. Take a look at these two trailers/teasers and tell me if you think this guy is serious:
I watched this first video and thought it must be a set up as he doesn't look all that serious about his project as his body language seems to portray sarcasm more than someone passionately concerned with the subject matter. Case in point, look at his facial expressions during the hunting scene as well as the scene at the circumcision. My first impressions from this video was that it was some sort of mockumentary.
But this second video raised some concern in me that this guy really does believe that there's a crisis in masculinity and, accordingly, it stems from some sort of loss of those good 'ol tough guy days when men were men and everyone else were girls or at least 'girlie men'.
On one hand, I'm not sure I can take this arguement seriously because traditional masculinity is still the norm and reinforced all around us daily (you can even fill in a link for "all around" or "daily" as there are endless amounts of sites, videos, commercials, etc that prop imagery of a specific type of manliness in your face 24-7...why else would chevy choose football legend Howie Long to sell their brand? Is he known to be smart about cars? What audience are they aiming for by using him? Are they selling a car/truck or the brand of a "man's man" vehicle?).
The fact of the matter is we are over saturated with ideas of hegemonic masculinity. Any given day in any given town I can walk into any teen or pre-teen class room and ask boys (and girls) to point out stereotypes of what it means to be a "real man". I actually do this quite often as part of my vocation and volunteer life, yet, it never ceases to amaze me how many various groups of kids can always produce the same tired list of images and ideas of traditional masculinity ("real men are tough, don't cry, prove their toughness by beating others up, prove their prowess by hooking up with girls for one night stands, work tougher jobs, drink beer, are in charge, fix things, and deserve a specially designed area in their homes to be men, etc"). In the face of all this, to postulate manhood is not only in crisis but nearing "total emasculation" -- or will become obsolete in the future as women will somehow win the evolution battle, rid the world of men, and become lesbians as Glenn O'Brien suggests -- seems absolutely ridiculous.
Almost as ridiculous as the stream of reminders in our culture that tell us how to be "real men".
Still, I have read and seen all the evidence he raises in the second video before and heard many critics raise the same incredulous conclusions: men are being feminized in the classroom; title IX is hurting men in sports and is the sole reason there are fewer men on college campuses; and women are stealing men's jobs especially in this bad economy. However, the stat "13% of men live at home" (with their parents of orgin) is a new one. Although, the only study I found that comes close to backing this stat actually reports young women are more likely than young men to stay at home.
That said, I'm not sure how we are to blame women for that one or any of this. And, yet, that's exactly what these critics, including this film maker "Oscar", are attempting to do in blaming women's empowerment for men's short comings. Essentially, Oscar, and others like him, are attempting to say that men are oppressed and we need to free men before they become extinct. The problem is in their "proof" in that their blame game holds all other factors in a vaccum and suggests that men are not to blame at all for their (alleged) collective, recent, lack of achievement. The other factors have to be considered and when one does (example in a moment) we find there are far better significant correlations that explain these trends. One also finds these trends are not necessarily interrelated nor conclusive that women are taking over the world at the expense of men.
Take, for example, the claim that testosterone levels have continuously dropped over the past 20 years in men. Oscar not only suggests that this is part of "femization" of men but also suggests this will contribute to more female births. Though there are several studies that back this stat most suggest that the key contributing factor is increased high glucose diets among men. Suggesting that lower testosterone levels in a man will cause him to have only female off spring is a leap with no backing.
Whether you take Oscar and his co-conspiracy theorists seriously or not, I would ask that you thoroughly and critically vet their assumptions and proof...and then send me your thoughts as I'm always curious what others think.
I watched this first video and thought it must be a set up as he doesn't look all that serious about his project as his body language seems to portray sarcasm more than someone passionately concerned with the subject matter. Case in point, look at his facial expressions during the hunting scene as well as the scene at the circumcision. My first impressions from this video was that it was some sort of mockumentary.
But this second video raised some concern in me that this guy really does believe that there's a crisis in masculinity and, accordingly, it stems from some sort of loss of those good 'ol tough guy days when men were men and everyone else were girls or at least 'girlie men'.
On one hand, I'm not sure I can take this arguement seriously because traditional masculinity is still the norm and reinforced all around us daily (you can even fill in a link for "all around" or "daily" as there are endless amounts of sites, videos, commercials, etc that prop imagery of a specific type of manliness in your face 24-7...why else would chevy choose football legend Howie Long to sell their brand? Is he known to be smart about cars? What audience are they aiming for by using him? Are they selling a car/truck or the brand of a "man's man" vehicle?).
The fact of the matter is we are over saturated with ideas of hegemonic masculinity. Any given day in any given town I can walk into any teen or pre-teen class room and ask boys (and girls) to point out stereotypes of what it means to be a "real man". I actually do this quite often as part of my vocation and volunteer life, yet, it never ceases to amaze me how many various groups of kids can always produce the same tired list of images and ideas of traditional masculinity ("real men are tough, don't cry, prove their toughness by beating others up, prove their prowess by hooking up with girls for one night stands, work tougher jobs, drink beer, are in charge, fix things, and deserve a specially designed area in their homes to be men, etc"). In the face of all this, to postulate manhood is not only in crisis but nearing "total emasculation" -- or will become obsolete in the future as women will somehow win the evolution battle, rid the world of men, and become lesbians as Glenn O'Brien suggests -- seems absolutely ridiculous.
Almost as ridiculous as the stream of reminders in our culture that tell us how to be "real men".
Still, I have read and seen all the evidence he raises in the second video before and heard many critics raise the same incredulous conclusions: men are being feminized in the classroom; title IX is hurting men in sports and is the sole reason there are fewer men on college campuses; and women are stealing men's jobs especially in this bad economy. However, the stat "13% of men live at home" (with their parents of orgin) is a new one. Although, the only study I found that comes close to backing this stat actually reports young women are more likely than young men to stay at home.
That said, I'm not sure how we are to blame women for that one or any of this. And, yet, that's exactly what these critics, including this film maker "Oscar", are attempting to do in blaming women's empowerment for men's short comings. Essentially, Oscar, and others like him, are attempting to say that men are oppressed and we need to free men before they become extinct. The problem is in their "proof" in that their blame game holds all other factors in a vaccum and suggests that men are not to blame at all for their (alleged) collective, recent, lack of achievement. The other factors have to be considered and when one does (example in a moment) we find there are far better significant correlations that explain these trends. One also finds these trends are not necessarily interrelated nor conclusive that women are taking over the world at the expense of men.
Take, for example, the claim that testosterone levels have continuously dropped over the past 20 years in men. Oscar not only suggests that this is part of "femization" of men but also suggests this will contribute to more female births. Though there are several studies that back this stat most suggest that the key contributing factor is increased high glucose diets among men. Suggesting that lower testosterone levels in a man will cause him to have only female off spring is a leap with no backing.
Whether you take Oscar and his co-conspiracy theorists seriously or not, I would ask that you thoroughly and critically vet their assumptions and proof...and then send me your thoughts as I'm always curious what others think.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Walk A Mile...2009 Pics, Highlights & Thanks!
Is there anything harder than walking in heels up and down hills or stairs or while pushing a stroller on a college campus? Last night on the campus of the University of Missouri Kansas City, nearly a hundred men found out first hand and gained a new appreciation for what women are put through to look "fashionable" or "sexy" in our culture. 200 more people came out to support these men as they took a stand to speak out against sexual violence.
Walk A Mile In Her Shoes has been around since 2001 but has received some critism of late for making a mockery of women's experience as well as limiting the victimization of sexual violence -- as if it only happens to women. Both are valid points. I believe this march creates space to begin conversations about how men and women can partner together to end sexual violence. High heels are only a representation of ALL the devices that are meant to keep women, collectively, "in their place". As you see above, many men take on other devices in this walk as well such as pushing a stroller, wearing hose, painting their nails, and wearing skirts.
Even in walking in these shoes for a mile, participants recognized that they will not fully comprehend what it means to be stereotyped and oppressed by these things daily. That said, many men complained of blisters, turned ankles, and felt gawked at during the march as well as many reported they did not know how women dawn heels ever after their mile experience. For men to catch a glimpse of women's daily experience, have an opportunity to broaden their awareness about how sexual violence impacts their loved ones, and learn that they can be a part of the solution by becoming active allies in their communities -- this is the goal of "Walk A Mile" events and I believe that was accomplished at UMKC's 3rd annul event.
Thanks to all that participated and supported the event. It was great to see so many campus and communtiy men and women join together to walk in support of ending sexual violence. A special thanks to the UMKC's Women Center for making this event possible.
UPDATE: Cross posted at UMKC's Women Center.
Walk A Mile In Her Shoes has been around since 2001 but has received some critism of late for making a mockery of women's experience as well as limiting the victimization of sexual violence -- as if it only happens to women. Both are valid points. I believe this march creates space to begin conversations about how men and women can partner together to end sexual violence. High heels are only a representation of ALL the devices that are meant to keep women, collectively, "in their place". As you see above, many men take on other devices in this walk as well such as pushing a stroller, wearing hose, painting their nails, and wearing skirts.
Even in walking in these shoes for a mile, participants recognized that they will not fully comprehend what it means to be stereotyped and oppressed by these things daily. That said, many men complained of blisters, turned ankles, and felt gawked at during the march as well as many reported they did not know how women dawn heels ever after their mile experience. For men to catch a glimpse of women's daily experience, have an opportunity to broaden their awareness about how sexual violence impacts their loved ones, and learn that they can be a part of the solution by becoming active allies in their communities -- this is the goal of "Walk A Mile" events and I believe that was accomplished at UMKC's 3rd annul event. 
Thanks to all that participated and supported the event. It was great to see so many campus and communtiy men and women join together to walk in support of ending sexual violence. A special thanks to the UMKC's Women Center for making this event possible.UPDATE: Cross posted at UMKC's Women Center.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
UMKC's 3rd Annual Walk A Mile In Her Shoes
UMKC's 3rd Annual Walk A Mile In Her Shoes is only a week away, please feel free to come out and support us! Or, better yet, march with us by signing up at UMKC's Women's Center.
For more information about men's activism as a part of "Walk A Mile In Her Shoes" please visit their website here.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Why misogyny in sports culture?
Why is it that an aspect of sports culture appears to go hand in hand with misogyny?
I have been listening to a lot sports talk lately on the subjects of Ben Roethlisberger and Erin Andrews, reading articles about both, and reading the comments from sports fans after the articles. In both, hearing what is said by radio sports talk show guys and the comment sections by knucklehead sports fans I find myself really disappointed in recognizing how today’s sports culture and misogyny goes hand in hand.
It has been really interesting to see how sports culture handles these two incidents and, specifically, the women involved. In the report of Roethlisberger’s alleged sexual assault, many have jumped on his bandwagon to show blind support for their “hero” and suggesting the reason they do so is because of all they “know” about him or that they know him so well that they are on first name basis with him. What many know about Ben is his on-field performance and accomplishments but most of us have no clue what he is really like off the field, including how he treats women in his life. (To be honest, I don’t know Ben nor do I know a thing about his criminal history or his significant other relationships other than he’s not married.) On the other hand, most in sports culture do just the opposite with McNulty. Though we know she held a high position at Harrah’s Hotel and Casino, many fans immediately assume she is a “gold digging-jersey chasing- psychotic slut” simply because they would prefer not to wrongly condemn their pal Ben . ESPN even chose not to run the story, at first, taking a silent bystander approach of support for Ben.
I get, to some degree, if sports culture wanted to fault on standing up for their own but their reaction to Erin Andrews shows me that is not the case. In case you don't know, Andrews is a sideline reporter for ESPN and recently someone has posted peeping tom videos of her on the internet. Andrews has been described as “the woman every man loves”, “THE sexy sideline reporter”, “sideline siren” and “America’s sexiest sportscaster” by not just fans but many media networks and outlets. As opposed to Ben, Andrews is shown support for how she looks rather than her on camera work and accomplishments as if that’s all that matters to sports culture. What’s worse is that many in sports culture have belittled the violation to Andrews or are proposing that women have no place on the sideline or sportscasting in the first place. Even a local sports talk show I have generally found respectable in these matters was discussing what other sexy sideline reporters they want to see in slimy videos or nude photos. I was not surprised one bit, however, when the other local sports talk show discussed how it is the fault of the networks for putting "sexy girls on the sidelines" and how this wouldn't have happened if Andrews was "homely".
Look, I'm an avid sports fan and usually stand up for the values that sports provide youth as well as the entertainment college or professional sports provide adults. There's a lot about sports that I don't like including the power and privilege we give to certain athletes, the money that's thrown around, and, among other things, the exploitation of young athletes for their physical talents over and above their intellect, character, or other talents. But it absolutely disgusts me when stories like these come out and sports fans, members of the sports media, and sports networks are quicker to feed and support misogyny as if it were intrinsic to sport rather than consider justice for the victims.
We would prefer to think that these, and incidents like them, are rare or some shadow side of sports culture rather than consider that sports culture is intrinsically misogynistic. But in order for us to believe otherwise, two things must happen: 1) incidents like these must decrease in sports; 2) more men need to speak out against the sexism and misogyny we see in sports culture. I am convinced that in order for (1) to happen we need to put more time and energy in (2). That is why I was grateful to find this article by Jim Williams of the Washington Examiner who not only supports Andrews but all women sports casters that are "subjected to ridicule and sexual innuendo despite, in most cases, being smarter and knowing more about sports than their male colleagues." Unfortunately, I have not seen many men in sports culture that are willing to put themselves out there not only to not judge McNulty but also to consider her side of the story apart from what they know of Ben’s on field accomplishments.
UPDATE: Two more male journalist speaking up & out about who's to blame and how these incidents are a show of men being men at their worst.
I have been listening to a lot sports talk lately on the subjects of Ben Roethlisberger and Erin Andrews, reading articles about both, and reading the comments from sports fans after the articles. In both, hearing what is said by radio sports talk show guys and the comment sections by knucklehead sports fans I find myself really disappointed in recognizing how today’s sports culture and misogyny goes hand in hand.
It has been really interesting to see how sports culture handles these two incidents and, specifically, the women involved. In the report of Roethlisberger’s alleged sexual assault, many have jumped on his bandwagon to show blind support for their “hero” and suggesting the reason they do so is because of all they “know” about him or that they know him so well that they are on first name basis with him. What many know about Ben is his on-field performance and accomplishments but most of us have no clue what he is really like off the field, including how he treats women in his life. (To be honest, I don’t know Ben nor do I know a thing about his criminal history or his significant other relationships other than he’s not married.) On the other hand, most in sports culture do just the opposite with McNulty. Though we know she held a high position at Harrah’s Hotel and Casino, many fans immediately assume she is a “gold digging-jersey chasing- psychotic slut” simply because they would prefer not to wrongly condemn their pal Ben . ESPN even chose not to run the story, at first, taking a silent bystander approach of support for Ben.
I get, to some degree, if sports culture wanted to fault on standing up for their own but their reaction to Erin Andrews shows me that is not the case. In case you don't know, Andrews is a sideline reporter for ESPN and recently someone has posted peeping tom videos of her on the internet. Andrews has been described as “the woman every man loves”, “THE sexy sideline reporter”, “sideline siren” and “America’s sexiest sportscaster” by not just fans but many media networks and outlets. As opposed to Ben, Andrews is shown support for how she looks rather than her on camera work and accomplishments as if that’s all that matters to sports culture. What’s worse is that many in sports culture have belittled the violation to Andrews or are proposing that women have no place on the sideline or sportscasting in the first place. Even a local sports talk show I have generally found respectable in these matters was discussing what other sexy sideline reporters they want to see in slimy videos or nude photos. I was not surprised one bit, however, when the other local sports talk show discussed how it is the fault of the networks for putting "sexy girls on the sidelines" and how this wouldn't have happened if Andrews was "homely".
Look, I'm an avid sports fan and usually stand up for the values that sports provide youth as well as the entertainment college or professional sports provide adults. There's a lot about sports that I don't like including the power and privilege we give to certain athletes, the money that's thrown around, and, among other things, the exploitation of young athletes for their physical talents over and above their intellect, character, or other talents. But it absolutely disgusts me when stories like these come out and sports fans, members of the sports media, and sports networks are quicker to feed and support misogyny as if it were intrinsic to sport rather than consider justice for the victims.
We would prefer to think that these, and incidents like them, are rare or some shadow side of sports culture rather than consider that sports culture is intrinsically misogynistic. But in order for us to believe otherwise, two things must happen: 1) incidents like these must decrease in sports; 2) more men need to speak out against the sexism and misogyny we see in sports culture. I am convinced that in order for (1) to happen we need to put more time and energy in (2). That is why I was grateful to find this article by Jim Williams of the Washington Examiner who not only supports Andrews but all women sports casters that are "subjected to ridicule and sexual innuendo despite, in most cases, being smarter and knowing more about sports than their male colleagues." Unfortunately, I have not seen many men in sports culture that are willing to put themselves out there not only to not judge McNulty but also to consider her side of the story apart from what they know of Ben’s on field accomplishments.
UPDATE: Two more male journalist speaking up & out about who's to blame and how these incidents are a show of men being men at their worst.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Is Rape Serious?
A friend passed this article on to me and it really is a great piece about the seriousness of rape. Nicholas Kristof, author of the Op-ed, focuses on how our criminal justice system has deemed the crime of rape as trivial by leaving countless rape kits untested. He shares a story about a suspect that sexually assaults two more victims while the rape kit of his first victim remains unprocessed.
To many of us working in the field of Sexual Violence Prevention this story is all too familiar and we are very aware of how often these undetected rapists will strike again before being caught. Still, the statistics in this article struck me in the wake of the "Swine Flu" scare (less than 5,000 victims) which has recently been elevated to pandemic status despite the fact that influenza (aka, "the common flu") continues to infect more people (200,000 victims) and is responsible for more flu-related deaths. What catches my eye at the moment is how sexual violence, by comparison, is a far more wide spread problem in that there are nearly a million victims worldwide each year (including 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men in the United States), yet, it remains one of the lowest priorites to be dealt with as shown in Kristof's article.
When will we take rape seriously?
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Another installment of a feel good story: "A Journal for Jordan"
A friend recently told me the story behind this journal which was explained to me as a father to son version of "PS I love you" -- which I have no problem admitting that I actually liked the movie (even though I never read the book). I was immediately taken in by the fact that a parent, especially a father, had the foresight to write down everything that he wanted his child, in this instance a son, to know just in case he was not around to teach him.
What a daunting task! I recently have become a parent and can not even began to imagine all the things that I would want to write down in such a journal to make sure my son would know, just in case I'm not around to teach him. I also can not imagine how this father was able to write such a work of love under the pressure of war, where the harshest realities of life are continually on display.
I went to the local bookstore to read more and found that the book leans more towards telling the love story between the parents than advice giving between father and son. Many people on Amazon have given bad reviews because of this fact. But, I got to tell you that a father that professes a legacy of love for his partner might be leaving behind some of the best advice his son will ever receive. Sure, there are a lot practical things to teach a 2 year old before they become an adult. However, I am certain that the most practical thing for a young man to learn is how to treat women in his life with love, equality, admiration, and respect.
Without his father in his life to model these essential characteristics as an emotional coach, what more for his father to do then to write his personal journey to manhood in a journal to his son? We need more young men to learn these things and more fathers to mentor the young men in their lives about why loving and honoring women in their life is so important.
What a daunting task! I recently have become a parent and can not even began to imagine all the things that I would want to write down in such a journal to make sure my son would know, just in case I'm not around to teach him. I also can not imagine how this father was able to write such a work of love under the pressure of war, where the harshest realities of life are continually on display.
I went to the local bookstore to read more and found that the book leans more towards telling the love story between the parents than advice giving between father and son. Many people on Amazon have given bad reviews because of this fact. But, I got to tell you that a father that professes a legacy of love for his partner might be leaving behind some of the best advice his son will ever receive. Sure, there are a lot practical things to teach a 2 year old before they become an adult. However, I am certain that the most practical thing for a young man to learn is how to treat women in his life with love, equality, admiration, and respect.
Without his father in his life to model these essential characteristics as an emotional coach, what more for his father to do then to write his personal journey to manhood in a journal to his son? We need more young men to learn these things and more fathers to mentor the young men in their lives about why loving and honoring women in their life is so important.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Feel good story of the day: The real hero was the man inside the costume
Too often in doing this line of work I get bogged down by story after story that fit in my file entitled "Worst Stories Ever". Positive stories that promote healthy and safe visions of masculinity come few and far between. So I wanted to take advantage of a this feel good story when I had the chance despite the awful video retelling of the story on Rachel Maddow's Show.
There's so much I like about this story: a fireman having super hero costumes at the station to connect with kids on their level; this man's patience and emotional attunement to hear and meet this child's needs; and his recognition and insight that there was a connection between the child's risky behavior and the fear/anxiety the child was experiencing in separating from mom for a first day of school.
Wouldn't it be great if this sort of response was normative behavior by men and not just in their relationships with youth but also with men and women in their life as well (costume not included, unless you need it to act like that)?
There's so much I like about this story: a fireman having super hero costumes at the station to connect with kids on their level; this man's patience and emotional attunement to hear and meet this child's needs; and his recognition and insight that there was a connection between the child's risky behavior and the fear/anxiety the child was experiencing in separating from mom for a first day of school.
Wouldn't it be great if this sort of response was normative behavior by men and not just in their relationships with youth but also with men and women in their life as well (costume not included, unless you need it to act like that)?
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Upcoming Events: April is SAAM
In case you did not know, April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM). MOCSA is taking part this year in the calendar events listed below but I wanted to highlight three as great ways men can be involved:
1) Sunday April 5th the Kansas City Wizards are playing host to the San Jose Earthquakes and will be honoring SAAM by having their players sign "Men As Allies" pledges as well as filming a YouTube about the pledge. For ticket infomation please visit the Kansas City Wizards online ticket office.
2) Saturday April 25th, Kansas City Free Health Clinic (KCFree) and Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Inc., are co-sponsoring a 3 on 3 basketball tournament and health fair at the Niles Home for Children called "Call the Shots". The tournament for youth 13-18 years old will run from 1-4pm. Food and prizes will be awarded to the winners! At the tournament, the Kansas City Free Health Clinic, Good Samaritan Project and the Kansas City Health Department will offer FREE STD and HIV TESTING to persons age 13+. Incentives will be offered to those who test.
3) Tuesday April 28th, MOCSA & the YWCA of Kansas City, KS, will be having their 2nd annual "Speaking Out: Empowerment Through The Spoken Word" poetry event at 7:30pm. Poetry is not for everyone, but I can tell you firsthand from taking in the event last year that there is something freeing and inspiring in hearing men and women speak out against sexual violence from the stories of their own life experience.
Other events on the MOCSA Calendar include the following:
Thursday April 2nd
2009 Crime Victim’s Rights Art Show
Johnson County Central Library, 4pm-6pm
Saturday April 4th
Create Your Own Reality: Free of Sexual Violence
Gifted Hands, Crown Center 6pm-9pm
Sunday April 5th
Wizards Game
Community America Ball Park 2pm-4pm
Tuesday April 7th
Take Back the Night
UMKC 6:30pm
Thursday April 16th
Community Festival
Harmon High School 6pm-7:30pm
Saturday April 18th
Health Fair
Paseo Baptist Church 10am-2pm
Saturday April 18th
Rock Out- Reach Out Benefit Concert
Crosstown Station 6pm – 11pm
Saturday April 18th
Walk a Mile in her Shoes
Liberty High School 8:30am
Saturday April 25th
KCFree 3 on 3 Basketball Tourney “Call the Shots”
Niles Home for Children 1pm-4pm
National Crime Victims Week
April 26th through May 2nd
Tuesday April 28th
Speak Out: Empowerment through Spoken Word
YWCA of Greater KC 7pm-9:30pm
Thursday, April 30th
Women’s Political Caucus Discussion
The Writer’s Place 7pm
Please come out and join us in any and all of these events as we step up and speak out against sexual violence in the Kansas City community.
1) Sunday April 5th the Kansas City Wizards are playing host to the San Jose Earthquakes and will be honoring SAAM by having their players sign "Men As Allies" pledges as well as filming a YouTube about the pledge. For ticket infomation please visit the Kansas City Wizards online ticket office.
2) Saturday April 25th, Kansas City Free Health Clinic (KCFree) and Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Inc., are co-sponsoring a 3 on 3 basketball tournament and health fair at the Niles Home for Children called "Call the Shots". The tournament for youth 13-18 years old will run from 1-4pm. Food and prizes will be awarded to the winners! At the tournament, the Kansas City Free Health Clinic, Good Samaritan Project and the Kansas City Health Department will offer FREE STD and HIV TESTING to persons age 13+. Incentives will be offered to those who test.
3) Tuesday April 28th, MOCSA & the YWCA of Kansas City, KS, will be having their 2nd annual "Speaking Out: Empowerment Through The Spoken Word" poetry event at 7:30pm. Poetry is not for everyone, but I can tell you firsthand from taking in the event last year that there is something freeing and inspiring in hearing men and women speak out against sexual violence from the stories of their own life experience.
Other events on the MOCSA Calendar include the following:
Thursday April 2nd
2009 Crime Victim’s Rights Art Show
Johnson County Central Library, 4pm-6pm
Saturday April 4th
Create Your Own Reality: Free of Sexual Violence
Gifted Hands, Crown Center 6pm-9pm
Sunday April 5th
Wizards Game
Community America Ball Park 2pm-4pm
Tuesday April 7th
Take Back the Night
UMKC 6:30pm
Thursday April 16th
Community Festival
Harmon High School 6pm-7:30pm
Saturday April 18th
Health Fair
Paseo Baptist Church 10am-2pm
Saturday April 18th
Rock Out- Reach Out Benefit Concert
Crosstown Station 6pm – 11pm
Saturday April 18th
Walk a Mile in her Shoes
Liberty High School 8:30am
Saturday April 25th
KCFree 3 on 3 Basketball Tourney “Call the Shots”
Niles Home for Children 1pm-4pm
National Crime Victims Week
April 26th through May 2nd
Tuesday April 28th
Speak Out: Empowerment through Spoken Word
YWCA of Greater KC 7pm-9:30pm
Thursday, April 30th
Women’s Political Caucus Discussion
The Writer’s Place 7pm
Please come out and join us in any and all of these events as we step up and speak out against sexual violence in the Kansas City community.
Friday, January 23, 2009
"What would you do?"
ABC's Primetime has recently decided to play mad scientist by attempting to cross reality TV with social experimentation (throwing in a little “candid camera” and possibly “Punk’d”) in order to ask the age old question of staged situations, “What would you do?”
If you click the link, you can view the video of a man putting something into, presumably, his date’s drink and watch the reactions of two sets of couples (a couple of friends and a husband/wife couple). According the comments section on Jezebel’s website, this staged situation has caused quite a stir and rightfully so, as the reactions of ‘innocent bystanders’ leaves a lot to desired.
My favorite comment, by far:
“Ugh. I hate this show…These shows seem to set out to prove that the world is full of assholes when in reality it’s only about 60% assholes.”
Six of 10 of us being assholes is still a huge problem if you ask me. The more pressing concern I have in the “What would you do?” videos is that neither of the three men (two friends or the husband) respond pro-socially to the situation.
There are several things I want to ask them as well as the two actors of how they interpret these inactive bystanders’ behaviors. Do the male bystanders believe its ‘someone else’s problem’, ‘not a problem’, or simply fail to act because they are unsure how to help? Does the actor playing the perp feel emboldened in his role by the way the first two ally themselves with him? Was it easier to thwart the confrontation of the wife because the husband was not doing anything? What’s going through the actress’s mind in the way the first two guys respond? Was she surprised that the husband never said or did anything considering how outspoken his wife was?
Unfortunately, I think we can rule out any optimism with the first two guys as they not only do not see it as a problem, they actually support the potential perpetrator (“asshole”). Maybe if there was one more man that was present that raised concern they might have acted differently. I would like to have seen how they would have responded but it appears that they were in “save face among other men” mode -- a common, albeit ignorant, response by men abiding by the rules of homosociality (the idea of revering men above women in any given situation). There’s also the high likelihood that they were assholes themselves as their behaviors were basically cheering on the perp.
What could be said of the husband? His wife was actually speaks out, however, instead of supporting her he has a dismissive look of his face as if to say “what are you thinking?” “Why would you involve us with her lot?” “Oh no, here we go again…” He smiles and appears relieved when he finds out it was all part of a show, but it comes off as lackluster and very disappointing for he neither supports his wife or the victim.
These scenarios obviously bring up issues of bystander effect, group inhibition, and diffusion of responsibility but there’s also something going on here with men, in particular, that needs to be questioned. Several studies have shown that women are more likely to intervene as bystanders than men no matter the victim or the situation. What’s going on in men that, put in situations like this, we don’t perform bravely? Rather, we choose to not see it as dangerous nor take any personal responsibility? What do these men gain in not intervening? Would they have responded differently if they were at the bar alone, or if other men at the bar had expressed concern about the situation? What would you have liked to seen these men do in response?
What would you have done?
If you click the link, you can view the video of a man putting something into, presumably, his date’s drink and watch the reactions of two sets of couples (a couple of friends and a husband/wife couple). According the comments section on Jezebel’s website, this staged situation has caused quite a stir and rightfully so, as the reactions of ‘innocent bystanders’ leaves a lot to desired.
My favorite comment, by far:
“Ugh. I hate this show…These shows seem to set out to prove that the world is full of assholes when in reality it’s only about 60% assholes.”
Six of 10 of us being assholes is still a huge problem if you ask me. The more pressing concern I have in the “What would you do?” videos is that neither of the three men (two friends or the husband) respond pro-socially to the situation.
There are several things I want to ask them as well as the two actors of how they interpret these inactive bystanders’ behaviors. Do the male bystanders believe its ‘someone else’s problem’, ‘not a problem’, or simply fail to act because they are unsure how to help? Does the actor playing the perp feel emboldened in his role by the way the first two ally themselves with him? Was it easier to thwart the confrontation of the wife because the husband was not doing anything? What’s going through the actress’s mind in the way the first two guys respond? Was she surprised that the husband never said or did anything considering how outspoken his wife was?
Unfortunately, I think we can rule out any optimism with the first two guys as they not only do not see it as a problem, they actually support the potential perpetrator (“asshole”). Maybe if there was one more man that was present that raised concern they might have acted differently. I would like to have seen how they would have responded but it appears that they were in “save face among other men” mode -- a common, albeit ignorant, response by men abiding by the rules of homosociality (the idea of revering men above women in any given situation). There’s also the high likelihood that they were assholes themselves as their behaviors were basically cheering on the perp.
What could be said of the husband? His wife was actually speaks out, however, instead of supporting her he has a dismissive look of his face as if to say “what are you thinking?” “Why would you involve us with her lot?” “Oh no, here we go again…” He smiles and appears relieved when he finds out it was all part of a show, but it comes off as lackluster and very disappointing for he neither supports his wife or the victim.
These scenarios obviously bring up issues of bystander effect, group inhibition, and diffusion of responsibility but there’s also something going on here with men, in particular, that needs to be questioned. Several studies have shown that women are more likely to intervene as bystanders than men no matter the victim or the situation. What’s going on in men that, put in situations like this, we don’t perform bravely? Rather, we choose to not see it as dangerous nor take any personal responsibility? What do these men gain in not intervening? Would they have responded differently if they were at the bar alone, or if other men at the bar had expressed concern about the situation? What would you have liked to seen these men do in response?
What would you have done?
Friday, November 21, 2008
3 videos, 3 questions
1) How does gender stereotypes portrayed in all the media forms (TV, magazine, music, video games, movies, etc) from child- to adult-hood affect you?
2) Is it unfair to connect these three videos to a hidden agenda of media culture not only in pointing towards the trend of child exploitation for future product consumption but also the messages they are selling to get our "buy-in" to these characterizations of femininity and masculinity for the purpose of relational power and control, misogyny, and misandry?
3) How do we break free of these to promote healthier and safer ads for future generations?
Friday, October 3, 2008
Walk A Mile In Her Shoes
Being mindful of the daily experience of many women in this country as the overwhelming majority of victims of sexual harassment and sexual assault is not an easy task while walking uncomfortably in high heels across a college campus. This, however, was the challenge several men took on during UMKC’s second annual “Walk A Mile In Her Shoes” march. Of course men in high heels is an awkward sight, but on this day it was an opportunity for men, including myself, to get a better understanding and appreciation of women’s experience as well to provide a greater perspective by broadening our awareness. It was a march of solidarity as men came together to show their willingness to support those affected by and those that take a stand against sexual violence.
In my personal experience with this march, I found friends and family members curious but also quick to poke fun due to the uncomfortable topic (sexual violence) as well as the idea of participating by donning a pair of heels themselves. Frankly, I’m not surprised by their reactions as society, in general, are embarrassed by men taking on feminine stereotypes and would prefer to keep the issues of sexual harassment and sexual violence hidden and voiceless. Even among families and friends there is space to discuss the economic crisis, the presidential race, the energy crisis, or the United States foreign policy. But many would prefer to pay lip service or simply brush under the carpet issues dealing with race, poverty, violence and sexual violence.
The opportunity to take part in this march did provide me with the courage to probe deeper with friends and family in discussing how we can improve gender relations and decrease potential violence in our community. Several of these conversations led to places that I never imagined – both good and bad – but all led to greater understanding of the importance of ending sexual violence in our community and our role, as men, in that struggle. I’m hopeful that this was the experience of many of the participants of UMKC’s march as well as those that participate in the over 1000 other “Walk A Mile In Her Shoes” across the country.
David Belt
Man Up! Program Coordinator
In my personal experience with this march, I found friends and family members curious but also quick to poke fun due to the uncomfortable topic (sexual violence) as well as the idea of participating by donning a pair of heels themselves. Frankly, I’m not surprised by their reactions as society, in general, are embarrassed by men taking on feminine stereotypes and would prefer to keep the issues of sexual harassment and sexual violence hidden and voiceless. Even among families and friends there is space to discuss the economic crisis, the presidential race, the energy crisis, or the United States foreign policy. But many would prefer to pay lip service or simply brush under the carpet issues dealing with race, poverty, violence and sexual violence.
The opportunity to take part in this march did provide me with the courage to probe deeper with friends and family in discussing how we can improve gender relations and decrease potential violence in our community. Several of these conversations led to places that I never imagined – both good and bad – but all led to greater understanding of the importance of ending sexual violence in our community and our role, as men, in that struggle. I’m hopeful that this was the experience of many of the participants of UMKC’s march as well as those that participate in the over 1000 other “Walk A Mile In Her Shoes” across the country.
David Belt
Man Up! Program Coordinator
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Upcoming Event: Walk a Mile in Her Shoes
Men: Are you interested in taking a small step in becoming an active bystander? Want to show women and other men how you walk the walk as an ally in the struggle to end sexual violence? Ever wonder what it's like to wear heels? Do I have the event for you...Come join us at UMKC for the annual Walk A Mile In Her Shoes event on Thursday September 25th at 4pm. For more information about the event, please proceed to UMKC's Women Center...
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Needed: Active Male Bystanders
The web can be a wonderful resource to get a read on how our society views a variety of issues. Recently, while searching YouTube for PSAs on sexual violence I came across this video of a man reflecting on his personal experience of witnessing a friend at a party in the process of an attempted rape and how he responded. I recommend watching it even though it is a bit long and drawn out.
Whether this guy's story is true or not matters little to me in comparison to what this video does for men as it calls into question our responsibility towards victims in situations even when a friend is a perpetrator. This man might not think of his friend in those terms -- even though he does call "the girl" a victim -- but, regardless, he intervened because he felt he needed to.
I do not advocate violence but I am happy to hear some men feel this strongly about sexual violence and choose to involve themselves as an active bystander rather than remain silent for "his boy". Silence is NOT golden in these situations. If you read the comment section on YouTube following the video, there are several survivors reporting they wished a man like him was actively present when they were victims of rape. Our world needs more men that are willing to take responsibility and intervene with the sexism, harassment, or sexual violence of their peers.
What do you think? If you are a guy, put yourself in his shoes at that party and consider how you would respond? How will you respond the next time you hear or witness friends making sexist remarks about others, behaving disrespectfully or attempting to take advantage of someone under the influence?
Whether this guy's story is true or not matters little to me in comparison to what this video does for men as it calls into question our responsibility towards victims in situations even when a friend is a perpetrator. This man might not think of his friend in those terms -- even though he does call "the girl" a victim -- but, regardless, he intervened because he felt he needed to.
I do not advocate violence but I am happy to hear some men feel this strongly about sexual violence and choose to involve themselves as an active bystander rather than remain silent for "his boy". Silence is NOT golden in these situations. If you read the comment section on YouTube following the video, there are several survivors reporting they wished a man like him was actively present when they were victims of rape. Our world needs more men that are willing to take responsibility and intervene with the sexism, harassment, or sexual violence of their peers.
What do you think? If you are a guy, put yourself in his shoes at that party and consider how you would respond? How will you respond the next time you hear or witness friends making sexist remarks about others, behaving disrespectfully or attempting to take advantage of someone under the influence?
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